Many women take to social media to talk about their experience of being treated badly in their situationships, and share their frustration or sadness about wanting more out of these casual unions.
But there are some women out there who actually desire and enjoy these flings. We spoke to nine women to find out what exactly they like about situationships, and to see if having a situationship based on mutual respect and consent can actually serve to empower women.
Mel, 25
A situationship can totally be empowering. In my opinion, a situationship is just another way to label casual dating. As a woman who has a full-time job, I don’t have the time or energy to invest in a relationship. A situationship gives me all the benefits of dating and sex without the commitment or label attached. I can have a date on Saturday night if I want — but if I’m too tired, I don’t have to, and everything is still good. As long as you’re both emotionally aware and okay with that type of relationship, it can work well.
It only becomes toxic when your expectations, wants or needs are different to what you’re getting. Just like with any type of relationship, you have to be honest about your emotions, wants and needs, and be willing to communicate.
Julie, 23
I completely appreciate that the power in situationships can be abused, often by men at the expense of women’s feelings, and I know the effect it can have people’s self-esteem. For many, it’s the complete opposite of the romance we’ve always dreamt of. And to be honest, I still dream of having that one day.
But for this current period of my life when I’m learning to reclaim my body and my sexuality, and actually enjoying my sexual freedom (when women have been condemned for trying to do this for so long), my situationships feel like an achievement because I choose them.
Riley, 22
I think sometimes it fills that need for intimacy without the claustrophobia of commitment. If you’re in the right headspace, it can fulfil your emotional needs, while also giving you the freedom to focus on the rest of your life and have your independence. It’s a romantic thing you can jump in and out of, as it suits you.
I think it’s only toxic when you’re not on the same page or when one party misleads the other. I’ve found so many times when I’ve ended a situationship, it frees up all this mental capacity for work and self-development that I was missing. So not getting too invested in them can sometimes give you that balance of romance without taking up too much brain power or emotional energy.
Katie, 26
I think they can be a double-edged sword depending on the people in the situationship. But if both people are mature and have open communication, I believe they can be empowering for women! Situationships can give women the opportunity to explore their sexuality without added pressure or impeding their independence or freedom.
Lara, 23
I don’t think situationships are purely toxic. I think they can be really beautiful and helpful. Part of any relationship is to be able to practice communication, speak your wants and needs, and to learn how to be in one and/or navigate your way out of one — especially when you’re in your 20s, figuring these things out can be difficult.
You’re not born with the knowledge to navigate relationships; it’s something you have to learn. Essentially, using situationships as ‘practice’ for communication can make it easier to find out what you really want in relationships.
Stacy, 25
My partner and I who used to be engaged are now in a situationship. And our relationship is the healthiest it’s ever been! We have no label on it, and it actually seems to work better for us both. All we know is that we love each other, and that’s all that really matters to us right now.
Samantha, 29
As a woman in a situationship, I get the flirting, banter and sexual tension without the negative experiences I see my friends in relationships having. I think there’s often less toxicity, jealously and fights, and I don’t have to put anyone above myself at the moment, because I’m not ready to.
I can focus on my career, move cities given a week’s notice, buy groceries for whatever dinner I want, and watch my favourite shows! I have been learning to love myself for 10 years, and I now know I am worthy, I am enough. Situationships allow me to have fun without letting myself down or neglecting my needs.
Em, 22
At the time, my situationship was everything I wanted. I felt so empowered. I set the terms and we had a really good time. It progressed naturally into a relationship, which neither of us actually wanted at the start! Overall, I had a good experience, but it’s not something I think we can definitively say is either good or bad. It quite literally depends on the situation.
Becky, 25
Situationships can allow women the freedom to have fun with multiple people (as long as it’s honest, safe and consensual, obviously). You can be more adventurous and explore more physically and sexually, when you may otherwise be overly wary of what a partner will think of you.
I think it stays empowering when all parties know what’s going on, and know what the relationship really is. And if I ever ask for more but the other person isn’t interested in turning a situationship into a relationship, I know my worth and I just leave!
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