Given that we spend so much time at work, it’s easy to imagine what it would be like to form a connection with someone we see all the time. And let’s face it; there’s just something so intriguing (and, let’s be honest, thrilling) about dating someone at work, especially if you have to keep it a secret from your other colleagues and even maybe your bosses.
But does dating a person from work actually work out? Is all that sneaking around a lot harder than it looks? Is it as sexy and fun as we imagine it to be?
Refinery29 spoke to six women who’ve fallen for their co-workers to find out what the experience of dating a colleague is really like — from the good to the bad… to the straight-up awkward.
Madeleine (she/her), 23
We both worked part-time at the same place but met outside of work through mutual friends right when he started at the company. We were just friends and colleagues for two years before we started seeing each other.
We didn’t intentionally hide the romance from our office. He was close with a few people there so they knew, but I didn’t feel the need to announce it to anyone else as it was a very gossipy workplace. As people started to find out, they became very nosy and invested.
We’re still together now! It’s been almost three years, and neither of us works there anymore, but I’m grateful to that place for bringing us together.
Steph (she/her), 27
We met while working at a supermarket, which was both of our first jobs. I remember, I tried to get as many shifts near him as possible so I could talk to him, which eventually led him to ask me out to the movies.
Everyone at work knew we were dating, so there was no hiding it. We did get lots of co-workers making jokes like ‘Don’t go crazy making out, you’re at work!’… though because we worked nearby, sometimes we would sneak little kisses behind the kids’ toys section.
We’ve been together for nearly 10 years and got married last year.
Alice (she/her), 29
There was this guy in another department that was hooking up with a woman in his team for almost a year. They weren’t officially dating, but everyone knew about it. I usually have a hard rule to never hook up with coworkers personally, but thanks to a free bar tab at an EOFY party, that guy and I ended up hooking up that night.
While we never made eye contact again, this terrible mistake of a hookup ended up progressing into the messiest love square ever after he started seeing another girl from work unofficially. Eventually, he and this new girl started properly dating, but I happen to know that he was still seeing the other co-worker at the time!
The couple eventually got married and had a kid, and I’m still not sure if she knows about all the other smooches this guy was having at work. Moral of the story: don’t hook up with a dude from work that is already in a love triangle.
Fatima (she/her), 30
I had just started a new job at a company with over 200 people, so I had intense imposter syndrome and constantly felt overwhelmed. He was one of the few people who was really friendly to me from the beginning, which made me feel less stressed. I thought he might have a bit of a crush on me but I was newly single and just enjoyed the attention. Over time, coffee turned into after-work drinks, and we ended up seeing each other (casually — or so I thought.)
We kept it a secret for about a year and honestly, that was super awkward. As a new person, I didn’t want any negative publicity, and I was terrified of being ‘caught’. Eventually, someone saw us kissing on one of our many lunches out together. All my friends told me “Don’t shit where you eat!” so I’m sure I built it up inside my head a bit.
We’re still together, after five years! I didn’t think he was my type for the longest time and just thought it was a nice change to date after coming out of a long-term relationship. But he’s the kindest, sweetest person and I’m really happy.
Liz (she/her), 26
We’d been colleagues for a while and always had chemistry, but we were just never single at the same time. After about 18 months we were both available and we hooked up at a colleague’s party. We were hooking up casually for a while (we even made out in the work storeroom once!) until we realised we were catching feelings, so we made it official.
We hid it at work to avoid any judgement and jokes, and also to ensure we could get on with our jobs without the distraction — we were in the same team, working together quite closely, so it was kind of necessary. We also thought that if we could just get through each workday as though we weren’t together, we could enjoy it more when we clocked off.
But the pressure of working together and dating got to be a bit too much. When we argued, work stuff would come into it and vice versa; we hadn’t established enough healthy boundaries and we suffered for it. We broke up after nine months and it was so hard seeing him every day during the aftermath of the breakup. I eventually changed jobs, and that was one of the reasons I decided I needed to move. I don’t regret the relationship, but it sucked that my work had to be affected, too.
Ellie (she/her), 25
It was my very first day at my new job and they gave me a desk right next to him — by the end of that first week, I knew I was in trouble. We chatted a lot at our desks or at after-work drinks, and I eventually followed him on IG one night after a glass or two of wine (I actually squealed when he followed me back).
Eventually, we started chatting over DM and hanging out outside of work and then all of a sudden, we were dating. He wasn’t my boss, but he was more senior than me, and I felt worried about what people would think of me dating someone so soon after joining the company. For the first few months, we would just pass each other in the halls and he would wink at me, or he’d brush up super close behind me as he passed by and subtly grab my waist, or we’d secretly touch hands under our desks — it was so cute. The funniest part was trying to leave at different times just to meet up outside and go home together!
We eventually declared it with our management and everyone found out — but a lot of our colleagues were like “I knew it”. Looking back, I don’t think we were as covert as we thought we were! We’ve been together for a year, and we even still work together at the same place.
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